Tuesday, June 25, 2013

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye

*Please play this classic song from the group Boyz II Men as you read this blog post*

"It's So Hard To Say Goodbye" from Boyz II Men, 1991

June 25th, 2009 was one of the worst days of my life. I was 25, it was a beautiful, hot day and my favorite entertainer died. Ever since then, my life, in so many ways, changed. At the time of his passing, all I thought about was Michael and that lasted for a few months. I had to figure out how I was going to live my life accepting the fact that Michael, who was part of my life, was gone. There are people who do not understand how can a person loved someone they do not know and never met. That is something that I cannot explain fully and only people who know that feeling understand that feeling. Michael was literally like family to me. I would defend him to anyone that ever bashed him. Yes, I get teased and was called "Mrs. Michael Jackson" in high school but I did not care because all I cared about was that the truth needed to be told. 

Instead of bothering people about Michael on facebook and in my personal life, I put my activism on this blog and twitter. It helps me heal from the constant pain that I feel when I think about Michael. Today is the 4th anniversary of Michael's murder and it never gets better. To think that it will get better is almost comical to me because the pain is there all the time. However, it is worse in June because his death happened on that month. When the one year anniversary of Michael's death was approaching, I was nervous and anxious. I was listening to "Man in the Mirror" and I was wiping tears because that song hit me so hard. When June began this year, I was angry because I hate how this month made me feel. 

I have to admit, it was bittersweet to read that Janet is in the studio doing an album. Thank God that she is still here but it hurts that Michael is not here to do albums and songs anymore. The excitement of Michael in the studio no longer exists. We are stuck with old footage of Michael recording his iconic songs. When I see the Rolling Stones or Bon Jovi on tour, I think about how things would have been very different if Michael was treated with respect and dignity from AEG and Sony BMG. 

Dealing with the 4th anniversary of Michael's death, lies about Michael are still being spread and reported on a daily basis. I guess the media never heard of the term "rest in peace". With the lies that Wade Robson and Scott Thornton spewed on Michael, it almost seems like a chore for the fans to continue to defend Michael from these lies. Even though I do feel that it is a duty for all fans to defend Michael's good name, it is a pain to defend him and then have to deal with more losers coming forward with laughable claims against Michael. The media will never look into the credibility of these creeps because of their hatred towards Michael. The executors of his Estate executors sees what is going on and as usual, does nothing to end the madness. When Robson came forward with his web of lies, the Estate executors issued a weak defense statement instead of threatening to sue him for defamation of character and ruin his career. Thornton, who is a drug addict and convicted felon, is trying to continue his drug habit by telling lies to the media about Michael and I do believe that he is being paid to lie on Michael. Instead of the Estate executors counter attacking his claims by telling the world that Michael had women in his life, there is silence. 

The fans have to constantly remind the public the inconsistencies of their claims and valid proof of their lack of credibility. This is not what, after four years of Michael's death, his fans are suppose to do. The Estate executors are suppose to do something to end the nonsense for continuing. Sadly, I feel that this is happening because they want people to focus on the clowns lying about Michael and not the questionable will, Estate and what the Wrongful Death Trial will reveal about one of the executors, John Branca. 

The media, like the Estate executors, are not interested in restoring Michael's good name. Instead of reminding the public of the great things that Michael has done in the world, they would rather let people bash him and lie about him. How can any fan defend a Estate that is so lazy when it comes to restoring and protecting Michael's good name? At times, I wonder if some fans ignore the lack of care the Estate executors has for this man because of what they want from the Estate. Think about it: these horrible people that trash this man are still having a job and they are not going to disappear anytime soon. I would think that after what these horrible people in the media have done to this man that the Estate executors would find a way to make sure the likes of Diane "Demon" Dimond, Roger Friedman and Stacy Brown never work a day in the lives ever again. The fact that these roaches are still here tells me that the Estate executors could care less about Michael and protecting his legacy. 

I stated on this blog that a true fan of Michael's should ignore what the media and the haters state about Michael. However, it is hard to do because Michael is no longer with us and is unable to defend himself. I have to admit, it is painful for me to deal with the hatred that Michael gets because I am tired of all of the madness. The fans and myself have taken time out of lives to defend Michael in any chance that we get hoping that the end result of our dedication to our duty would be that people would change their minds about what they think about Michael. When we thought that we accomplished that goal, a loser comes out of nowhere with a claim and once again, it is back to square one. Not only is it frustrating, it is tiring and painful. I cannot tell a fan how to cope with the constant lies that people state about Michael. Fans would go with their gut instinct which is to attack the person who is attacking Michael. That is part of being of fan of Michael's - you have to defend him in a way that you can sleep at night knowing that the person attacking Michael knows that you are on to them. 

Instead of dwelling on the constant disrespect that Michael gets, I want to post these items about Michael that reminded us all why we are fans of the man in the first place. Michael's impact in popular culture was too broad and you had to break it down in certain sections. There was his impact in music, television, business, fashion, humanitarianism and activism. When Michael died in 2009, the print media issued out various tribute magazines of Michael. I must have spent probably $100.00 on these magazines because I wanted them. Some of the tributes to him were fair and a couple were so disrespectful, that I got rid of them. Regardless, at least his impact was being featured in their publications. 

"Michael Our Icon", Ebony September 2009

This issue of Ebony magazine was done in 2009 and it was a special issue to Michael. It covered all of the basics when it came to Michael. Unlike many of the publications, Ebony were and the Source magazine were the only ones that focused on his humanitarian work. 

"Michael Jackson: The Man, The Music, The Legend, 1958-2009" The Philadelphia Tribune July 2009

This newspaper is a local newspaper that is based in my neck of the woods, Philadelphia. Michael has a history in Philadelphia and the newspaper focuses on that and Michael's impact. 

It is never easy to truly to deal with the death of Michael. It is everyday of my life that I think about this man and how much his life would have been so different if none of these things happened to him. Reading the updates of the Wrongful Death Trial is a constant reminder of how so many people were there surrounding Michael but did nothing to really help him. I have been thinking recently on truly moving on from Michael and I do not know if I can truly do that. Yes, I will moved on, I have been doing that for four years but actually moving on and not doing anything that is about Michael will be difficult and probably impossible. I do not think I have it in me to do that because Michael was a part of me and that died when Michael died. To completely move on and basically forget all about him because he is no longer with us is practically unthinkable to me. At the same time, I do not know if I can continue with what I am doing in regards to Michael a year from now. I have other things that I want to do in my life that I have yet to achieve. After all of the legal situations are over, I will continue with my fanhood but only on this blog and twitter. I will not do another tribute blog next year when it is the 5th anniversary of his death because I would be repeating myself. Death is never an easy thing to accept because the loss is so deep and unbearable to deal with. The pain of losing someone is so great that people cannot cope with the loss and find ways to deal with it; ways that can be harmful. I hope that in some way, people who ever loved Michael can truly heal from this terrible pain and live their lives in peace. Michael's spirit will always be here and we will always feel his presence wherever we go. 

Michael at a beach in California in 1991.


Audio -
"It So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday", CooleyHighHarmony. Boyz II Men, 1991 from youtube.com

Magazine -

"Michael Jackson: Our Icon", Ebony, September 2009

Newspaper - "Michael Jackson: The Man, The Music, The Legend 1958-2009", The Philadelphia Tribune, July 2009

Pictures -

The picture came from my personal magazine collection and was scanned to my harddrive.